Slow summer days are winding down at our home and with that the fall days are quickly coming into view. This fall will usher in some dramatic changes for our little family.
Being on a teacher's schedule has always meant that we have experienced a shift in schedule and such when Eric returned to school. But this year both of my babies will be joining the ranks of school children. How can this be?
Myles, my oldest, will be going to young kinders. He will be at a new school with a new teacher. Although he has gone to preschool for the past two years, this mama hasn't really had to face the realities of sending a child to school since his teacher has been his Nana. So this year my anxious heart is thrust further on the path of letting my child grow up.
Boston, my baby, is starting preschool. He is beyond excited to finally be able to go to "Cherry Lane School." This signifies the beginning a major shift in my world. Yes, it is only two mornings a week, but there will be four hours during the week during which both of my children will be in school. My world is going to change.
Change and I have long been enemies. I have fought fiercely to avoid him. But try as I might, he continues to invade my world. For many years I waged battle using any tactic I could. Finally, I have come to a point of acceptance, and change and I are forging a relationship.
As I am staring at these impending changes I have been reflecting on how I have begun to reconcile with change.
Change is going to happen
Even though every fiber of my being longs for this to be false, the more that I have come to acknowledge and accept this reality the closer I walk towards peace. In the past I have lived as though I could alter this truth.
I worked really hard create a world in which change did not have to occur. Unfortunately I had to discover the hard way that no matter how hard I strived to build that world, it could not last. The rigidity of that existence is bound to come crashing down.
There can be joy in the change
In my effort to deny that change was going to happen this was a truth that I often ignored. I was so focused on what I was losing, that I never stopped to consider what I might be gaining.
My hatred of change often distorted my view of what I was clinging to. I ignored that there were any aspects of my current situation that were difficult. I simply fought tooth and nail to keep things the way they were.
I have learned the value of choosing to turn from this inclination, and to instead focus on the gifts that will come with the change. Yes, my babies are starting to grow up. But really, truly, do I want them to stay babies forever. I have loved the baby stages, but do I want to indefinitely stay changing diapers and living without sleep forever? No, no I do not.
As much as my heart will break watching my three year old run up the stairs to the brick building with a red door, truthfully it will be nice to have a few hours in the week to experience a little more freedom. There are blessings in every turn of life. I simply have to shift my gaze.
God is the only thing that will never change
My longing for things to stay unchanged is deeply rooted in fear. If I could simply keep things the way that they are I would feel secure, in control. Yet, God is saying to me, "My child let go. Hold on to me."
James 1:17: "Every good and perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,
who does not change like shifting shadows."
God does not change like the "shifting shadows". Everything else around me will, but He will not. Tremendous peace is found in clinging to this eternal truth.
I don't think that I will ever love change. If you come to my house in ten years you will probably find my furniture in the same place that it was ten years before. But I am finding freedom in letting go, and finding beauty in the changes, while holding tight to my savior.